The New Labour guide to child rearing

After the Government's 17-page guide to cat owners was wisely withdrawn last week, I thought that perhaps they were beginning to mend their ways. No way. According to the Daily Mail, our beloved Government is back to its interfering best.

Parents could be forced to go to special classes to learn to sing their children nursery rhymes, a minister said. Those who fail to read stories or sing to their youngsters threaten their children's future and the state must put them right, Children's Minister Beverley Hughes said. Their children's well-being is at risk 'unless we act', she declared.

How long before we are required by law to sign over our children to the Government as soon as they are born? Only then would they be satisfied that their 'nursery rhyme requirements', diet requirements and other sundry requirements are met. We could then be granted, in strictly limited circumstances, weekend access visits under the supervision of a Parental Control Co-ordinator, or some such. Our homes would, of course, first be checked to ensure that dangerous items like sweets, cakes and crisps are removed from the premises before the visit takes place. Are you listening, Tony? Gordon? What are you waiting for? Come on, you know it's a good idea. Surely, it's the next logical step. And what's more, it's probably not too late to include it in the Queen's Speech tomorrow.